Life around the homefront , a vent just for me

I always knew being a Navy wife was hard. Long hours gone, deployments, etc. But being a Navy Boat Wife is a whole other world. I admit I have always whined and complained a little...or a lot. But this is a whole new struggle. One a am afraid to face. one that makes me want to run home to mommy, and I just might. But can a marriage last an 18+ month separation? Vernon is on a 12 hour shift, but add in that he has to travel and traffic and him being Vernon must be there at least half an hour early. So he is gone from home for anywhere between 14 1/2 to 15 hours a day, Then he has to sleep so add in 6 to preferably 8 hours a day. and we are left with an hour or 2 of actual face time with him. Then you add in sea trials and he is out to sea more then he is home. Its not fair to ask him to live on the boat, because I need more support then the Navy allows him to be. But what about me? What about the kids? I know if the Navy wanted him to have a family they would have issued him one. BUT SERIOUSLY! I am not good at being alone. I have no friends in the area. I have no car. So outside of the 2 little boys, I have no life, no help. And I am very alone. I knew that Dalton loves Vernon. He spends all day asking for him. And I knew Kaden thought Vernon was ok. But this last time Vernon was gone, it became very apparent that Vernon is needed. And not just by me, Kaden would be fine and then 4 pm would hit ( the time Vernon usually got home, before he got switched to his new schedule) until he went to bed, Kaden was mad, frustrated, I could not calm him, he wanted nothing to do with me, he didnt want to be outside. He would just scream and bang around. Its hard knowing he cant talk and thats the only way he can express himself. But when Kaden woke up one morning and came in the room and found his dad, oh the JOY on that boys face! He climbed up on the bed and rubbed Vernons head for a good 5 minutes. His daddy was home. And like magic, that evening when 4 rolled around even though Vernon was back at work, Kaden was fine, he was happy and playful, he was normal Kaden. His daddy had been home and all was right in the world. I am dreading having Vernon gone again. I hate that I cant call up someone and say Vernons going to be gone here through here, would you like to come visit. I could really use the help. And not just that, I dont know anyone who doesnt have a life who can just come stay with me to help, heck you dont even have to help, just come hang out with me! Anyway, Just venting. Love you all! Thanks for listening :) OH and by the way....WHAT THE HECK AM I GOING TO DO WHEN I AM BACK TO 4 KIDS!!!!!



Sheesh rereading this makes me feel selfish, I wish I could change the way I feel. I wish I were different. But I am not. :(